Responsibility

This one's been on my mind for a while, and I am just now getting around to writing about it, so sorry for the delay or to dig up past horrors.

Like everyone else I was horrified to hear about the heinous tragedy that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary a few months ago. It was truly unimaginable to think that at this point in time, someone could do something so evil and horrific to the most innocent and vulnerable people around us. There's been a lot of political debate since on gun control and whether or not certain measures should be taken to protect our citizens, and I'm not going to get into all of that here- the words I have will not be enough to change anyone's mind right now. What I do have to propose is a challenge on responsibility. Not for what is happening now or what has happened, but what is to come.

No surprise, I'm a musical theatre fan and a bit of a nerd. Most of the music I listen to is cast recordings, and after the Sandy Hook event, I was listening to my iPod on shuffle, and a song from Children of Eden came on.  Quick recap of the musical- it's a retelling of the story of Genesis from The Garden of Eden to the story of Noah and The Flood. The final song is called, "In the Beginning," and is sung as Noah and his family emerge from the ark to a new, fresh world that is now theirs to prepare, protect, and prosper.

This step is one again our first
We set our feet upon a virgin land
We hold the promise of the earth
In our hands...
No flood from heaven comes again
No deluge will destroy and purify
We hold the fate of man and men
In our hands...
 
Now at this dawn so green and glad
We pray that we may long remember
How lovely was the world we had
In the beginning...

As the song continues, they realize that from now on, they are fully responsible for the future that awaits them.

Of all the gifts we have received
One is most precious and most terrible
The will of each of us is free
It's in our hands

And if one day we hear a voice
If he shouold speak again, our silent father
All he will tell us is the choice
Is in our hands

Our hands can choose to drop the knife
Our hearts can choose to stop the hating
For ev'ry moment of our life
Is the beginning...

Things don't have to stay the way that they are or have been. It is up to us to make the changes we wish to see in the world and the power is within us. It can happen at any point we choose, because each moment is a chance to change the future.

There is no journey gone so far
So far we cannot stop and change direction
No doom is written in the stars
  It's in our hands... 

The final part of the song is a plea to those who will come after and be left with the legacy left behind.

We cannot know what wil occur
Just make the journey worth the taking
And pray we're wiser than we were
In the beginning
It's the beginning
Now we begin...

Children of Eden
Grant us your pardon
All that we leave to you
is the unknown

Children of Eden
Seek for your garden
You and your children to come
Some day to come home
 

My challenge to myself is to look at every choice I make and make sure that whatever I do is something I can be proud of in the future and will leave a legacy of hope and compassion to those who will live in this world after me. We are all on this crazy journey together, and we each have to stand up and do our part to make sure that we are not only fixing the mistakes of our past but living in the present to provide for the future.

Gifts

I was in my car the other day and had my iPod on shuffle, and "What I Did for Love" from A Chorus Line came on. Normally, I would quickly reach down and hit the Next arrow to jump to a different song, but for some reason, I decided to let it play on through this time. Maybe I was in an emotional mood and didn't realize it, but nonetheless, the song started, and I actually tuned in.

Now, I realize some of you might read this and have no idea what I'm talking about, so a brief recap for you: A Chorus Line is a musical (it is ME we're talking about, right?) about a group of dancers auditioning for a few remaining slots in a Broadway chorus. Totally unlike any other audition, the director actually talks to the auditionees about their personal lives and backgrounds which leads to songs about growing up, dreams, and disappointments. At a critical moment in the audition, one of the dancers is horribly injured, and the others watch as he is carried out to the hospital, knowing that he may never dance again. The director asks, "If today were the day you had to stop dancing, how would you feel?" This leads into the aforementioned song.

I know that seems a little melodramatic and highly romanticized, but as a performer, it is a very real moment, especially when watching the show live. This, however, doesn't necessarily mean I want to listen to this song on a daily basis. "Kiss today goodbye, the sweetness and the sorrow. Wish me luck, the same to you..."

I have heard this song too many times to count, and it's never really affected me other than the one time I saw the show live, but for some reason, in my car, the second stanza hit me really hard:

Look, my eyes are dry,

the gift was ours to borrow,

it's as if we always knew...

And I won't forget what I did for love

Maybe it's because it's the beginning of audition season again, and I'm focused on that mindset, but when I heard that line, my breath caught and I was a little taken aback. I realized in that moment how fleeting and temporary things actually can be and how I have seemed to let moments fly by while I wait for the next opportunity to come along.

I have been very blessed to have been able to stay busy doing what I love for the past three years. Since moving back to Jackson after graduating in 2010, I have been involved with 20 different productions (I know. I'm crazy). There have been so many great highs, but also some very deep lows during that time. I have doubted my abilities, my talent, and my decisions so many times and have allowed myself to waste so much time wondering, "What if?" 

Well, now I'm tired of asking, "What if?" I have been given this gift- this love of creating theatre, of sharing life and art with others, and the most amazing circle of friends imaginable, and I refuse to allow myself to let each and every precious moment I have on that stage or with those people slip by unnoticed. If today were the last day I ever had the chance to do what I love, I want to know that I soaked in every drop of knowledge and inspiration from everything around me and will carry it in the very core and fiber of my being for the rest of my life. 

Love, love is never gone

As we travel on, love's what we'll remember

Kiss today goodbye, and point me toward tomorrow

We did what we had to do

Won't forget, can't regret what I did for love

I will take this gift with graciousness and humility, and I hope that when the time comes, I will be able to pass it on to someone who needs it and will cherish it as much as I have.