Gifts

I was in my car the other day and had my iPod on shuffle, and "What I Did for Love" from A Chorus Line came on. Normally, I would quickly reach down and hit the Next arrow to jump to a different song, but for some reason, I decided to let it play on through this time. Maybe I was in an emotional mood and didn't realize it, but nonetheless, the song started, and I actually tuned in.

Now, I realize some of you might read this and have no idea what I'm talking about, so a brief recap for you: A Chorus Line is a musical (it is ME we're talking about, right?) about a group of dancers auditioning for a few remaining slots in a Broadway chorus. Totally unlike any other audition, the director actually talks to the auditionees about their personal lives and backgrounds which leads to songs about growing up, dreams, and disappointments. At a critical moment in the audition, one of the dancers is horribly injured, and the others watch as he is carried out to the hospital, knowing that he may never dance again. The director asks, "If today were the day you had to stop dancing, how would you feel?" This leads into the aforementioned song.

I know that seems a little melodramatic and highly romanticized, but as a performer, it is a very real moment, especially when watching the show live. This, however, doesn't necessarily mean I want to listen to this song on a daily basis. "Kiss today goodbye, the sweetness and the sorrow. Wish me luck, the same to you..."

I have heard this song too many times to count, and it's never really affected me other than the one time I saw the show live, but for some reason, in my car, the second stanza hit me really hard:

Look, my eyes are dry,

the gift was ours to borrow,

it's as if we always knew...

And I won't forget what I did for love

Maybe it's because it's the beginning of audition season again, and I'm focused on that mindset, but when I heard that line, my breath caught and I was a little taken aback. I realized in that moment how fleeting and temporary things actually can be and how I have seemed to let moments fly by while I wait for the next opportunity to come along.

I have been very blessed to have been able to stay busy doing what I love for the past three years. Since moving back to Jackson after graduating in 2010, I have been involved with 20 different productions (I know. I'm crazy). There have been so many great highs, but also some very deep lows during that time. I have doubted my abilities, my talent, and my decisions so many times and have allowed myself to waste so much time wondering, "What if?" 

Well, now I'm tired of asking, "What if?" I have been given this gift- this love of creating theatre, of sharing life and art with others, and the most amazing circle of friends imaginable, and I refuse to allow myself to let each and every precious moment I have on that stage or with those people slip by unnoticed. If today were the last day I ever had the chance to do what I love, I want to know that I soaked in every drop of knowledge and inspiration from everything around me and will carry it in the very core and fiber of my being for the rest of my life. 

Love, love is never gone

As we travel on, love's what we'll remember

Kiss today goodbye, and point me toward tomorrow

We did what we had to do

Won't forget, can't regret what I did for love

I will take this gift with graciousness and humility, and I hope that when the time comes, I will be able to pass it on to someone who needs it and will cherish it as much as I have.